1. Choose people not engaged in work.
2. Avoid pairs.
3. Choose someone who interests or attracts you.
4. Remind yourself that you do not bring any of your experiences into the exchange—this is almost certain to kill it off.
5. Make an approach. This should be natural and unthreatening but should at the same time help you get quickly close to the other. You may touch, make a light comment, or simply speak when it might otherwise seem unlikely. Often drawing attention to some personal detail is useful. Avoid initial questioning.
6. You must be prepared for rejection.
7. See what happens. Do not be tempted to offer information about yourself. Connectionism can only work if you give your entire focus to the other.
8. Try to identify with what the other comes back with. Search within yourself for as deep an understanding of this as possible.
9. Prompt the other to continue with your genuine desire to know.
10. Encourage the other to reflect more closely by asking them to expand, showing them you need to know more about them.
11. Be sensitive to what feeds back from them. Find a way of identifying with their self-focus.
12. As their self-understanding is revealed to you so yours will be revealed to them. Things they say will become clearer to you and what you say will also become clearer to them.
13. Allow yourself to feel increased closeness with them. If you feel lovingness between you and the other do not hold it back or resist it but allow it to flow freely.
- The experience will feel increasingly a unifying one, an important and memorable one.
15. Wait for the connection to end. You might feel reluctance to break away, perhaps sad or upset to leave, but you must go—all things in time must end.
