Abstract of two brief experimental periods of Exchanging the Word: October/November 2007; January 2008
This is part of a diary of engagements with individuals in what I consider the act of mutual philosophising as ‘Exchanging the Word’.
I describe each meeting, or ‘engagement’, simply: 1. The date (as a diary this may be valuable in revealing a pattern or repeated outcome of some sort). 2. The other’s name (which may have been changed, but is there for identification). 3. The environment and possibly the work function of the other at the time (this seems to have an important bearing on what happens). 4. The ‘story’ of the engagement, roughly outlining how the conversation developed and what was covered. 5. The outcome. What I felt about the engagement or what the other said he or she felt about it. 6. The ‘success’ or otherwise (this is hard to work out, indeed this diary is an initial attempt at trying to establish what ‘success’ might mean, and so ‘success’ is largely, if not entirely, a subjective conclusion with little or no current backing).
The outcome for the other in the engagement is absent and, at the present time, I have no good idea about how this can be reported. However, based on the principle that the outcome for me—an enhancement in my own clarity or wisdom—is resultant from an enhancement in the clarity or wisdom of the other, the outcome for me seems to be at least some pointer towards worth for the other.
Date: 23 October 2007
Name: Tony
Environment: Uniformed attendant behind a counter in a Museum of Art
Story: Told me about his faith in a deeply held belief and how this brought him to regard seriously the consequences of his actions and therefore his conduct in life. He told me about how he saw life as constantly changing—nothing fixed. And he told me about his faith—solid, itself unchangeable—and how this was a foundation for him, the constant ‘bedrock’ underlying the flux of life. And he told me about how he had moved for a job and how he had lost the job and how then he had moved for his children and to be close to family, and the family environment included death and argument. And now his children had left home he and his wife were thinking of changing their environment again. But faith was what had stopped everything in his life from falling apart. It guided his conduct because the way he acted involved him in the consequences of his action—because of this he treated people with dignity and respect. And there was a great feeling of sincerity and meaning in his words.
Outcome: This produced in me a greater of understanding of belief, of action motivated by belief, a sense of the fragility of our worldview, and a strong sense of what it is to have unshakeable belief.
Success: Successful.
Date: 23 October 2007
Name: Bob
Environment: Bob was acting as a docent guide at a monumental tomb in a public cemetery.
Story: Told me about his experiences of hardship in World War II and the seemingly unnecessary loss of a friend.
Outcome: This produced in me a sense of the resistant nature of the self to hardship and loss. How long it can sometimes be before we are able to even review some of our deeply held issues. How our lives are so different from others and how we need to make an effort to understand in any way the experience of life of the other. His story had great impact on me. I sensed sometimes during his account that he knew I understood the sentiments he expressed. An engrossingly poignant part of his story involved watching his boyhood friend drowning in the North Atlantic Ocean as the ship they both served on continued its passage.
Success: The impact of his story was so great that it was difficult for me to find a ‘footing’, a balance that allowed me in. It was as if I was powerless in the face of something I did not truly understand.
Date:
Name: Sheena
Environment:
Story: Told me how a lifetime’s work led to redundancy and how the consumer interests of the world she lived in had led to a sense of hopelessness in the future.
Outcome: This produced in me a strong sense of an underlying nature of humanity which transcended the more obvious needs and desires which humanity portrays as its nature.
Success: Successful
Date: 31 October 2007
Name: Joan
Environment: Shop assistant in an empty shop
Story: It was an easy conversation to start. Joan was friendly and keen to talk. She was open too, about her daughter who lived in France and her own recent trip there. But she was opinionated as well—she hated Paris and thought the Eiffel Tower ‘worthless’. She recounted her days of relative freedom as a child—not like these days where parents are afraid to let their children out of their sight. I developed this topic with her but quickly found myself quoting statistics at her about the very low incidence of child abduction and so on, and therefore the disproportionateness of the fear aroused. My comments daunted her a bit. She clearly still believed that the world was threatening to children, but was at a disadvantage because she had no competing arguments to justify this.
Outcome: The conversation became sterile and pointless.
Success: This was a failure. At the critical moment when Joan started to describe her feelings, I resorted to argumentative conversation, and this brought the meaningful engagement to a halt. I tried to ignite it again but it was useless and her responses were noticeably more guarded than at the beginning. It’s harder to guard against this in the informal environment of Exchanging the Word than it is in the more ‘conditioned’ environment of Philosophical Counselling or conventionally based NU-Philosophical Counselling.
Date: 31 October 2007
Name: Four females
Environment: Supervisor, older waitress, and two young waitresses impeccably dressed for Halloween (in order: as a ghoul, a rabbit, a mouse, and a French Maid) attended a restaurant empty except for me and Pauline.
Story: It was sudden and different. I decided to video them all in their costumes, introduce them to the camera, and especially ask one of the young waitresses to ‘walk’ for the camera—she had a very attractive ‘catwalk’ way of walking. The engagement ignited a high level of intimacy—the conversation was suddenly thrown forward into an engagement which might have otherwise taken a considerable time and a great deal more effort. The young girls were amused and flattered and talked briefly but easily about themselves. The two older women (one the supervisor) talked at a level not usual in such a brief and fairly formal setting. We touched and shook hands on parting at their insistence.
Outcome: Learned that using a device such as a camera can break down barriers between us instantly. I was unsure how to continue with this but the images on the video remained clear in my mind. It is possible to engage in Exchanging the Word with more than one person, and it is noticeable that the ‘barriers’ between us can be removed or reduced by the use of such things as the video camera (in this case a small digital camera with voice recording).
Success: Strangely successful, not so much in its direct product but in its novelty and opening up of new Exchanging the Word possibilities.
Date: 3 November 2007
Name: Lorna
Environment: Young Peruvian woman holding a tray of biscuits at a book shop in Concord.
Story: The young woman engaged readily, had a determined sense of eye contact and touched regularly. Her young child came up to her occasionally and she embraced her but Lorna did not break off from the engagement.
She told me about her six years in London (her husband was a stock trader), her travels, and her Peruvian heritage. She talked about the US—its lack of pavements and paucity of good food. She was safely part of a professional middle class although she did not have a profession. Women with children (the signing was of a children’s book), children, and others, queued or otherwise waited to have one of her biscuits. In the end, someone else took the tray of biscuits from her and undertook the distribution. Lorna spoke at length of her Peruvian heritage—distant from her current life but one she still felt part of, and wanted her children to ‘see’ and ‘know of’. But her description of Peruvian children—red cheeked with the altitude—and of women in their traditional costumes, declared a separation by class, mobility, and education, which was never going to be repaired. I sensed from her the yearning for belonging coupled with the certain knowledge that it was truly not there to be had.
Outcome: This strong engagement passed a strong message—our past, our remembrance of belonging now lost places us alone on the risky front edge of life. Even our deeply held belief in cultural heritage can easily seem frail when viewed in light of our present life, its confusions, and utility pressures.
Success: Yes.
Date: 3 November 2007
Name: Unknown
Environment: Two women meeting over breakfast with others before going to a wedding.
Story: I asked about the wedding—who was getting married, the number of guests, how far they had travelled? I barely got replies, merely self-conscious forced answers over which the two women needed to confer anyway. There was nowhere to go with the conversation. I stepped back and they both turned back to each other.
Outcome: The outcome was not an outcome of Exchanging the Word, but there was an outcome. These two women were excitedly engaged in the wedding to come and whatever they may have had to say to each other. There rejection of me was understandable. From this, I learned that there are ‘weights’ involved NU-engagement and sometimes the scales are tipped so much against the chances of engagement that the possibility of engagement occurring is low.
Success: No.
Date: 16 January 2008
Name: Rob
Environment: Salesman/owner of guitar shop
Story: The shop was empty. I asked Rob about his guitars. Which, I asked, was his favourite electric guitar? He held, played with and extolled the virtues of Fender’s latest modelling Stratocaster. He was naturally friendly and well informed. He acted more as a salesman. I told him I didn’t intend buying anything—‘You might though’ he said. We talked about guitars, guitarists, amplifiers. We looked at his best acoustic and I asked him about music locally: who played it, where, what was it like? It was an ‘engaging’ conversation, and he was open and kindly, and I felt happy talking to him, but, even though there were glimmers, no clarity opened up—he remained interested too much in his product and his knowledge of it and the personality which expressed these things never emerged into my focus.
Outcome: The environment, compelling and over-arching to Rob, never allowed a proper exchange.
Success: Unsuccessful.
Date: 16 January 2008
Name: Arienne.
Environment: Upstairs in a block of commercial premises, Arienne offered Shiatsu massage, healing and herbal remedies and supplements.
Story: To start with, Arienne was puzzled by my questioning—almost a little suspicious—but this passed quickly. She was very keen to tell me all about her technique—how it worked, what it may be applied to—and I was completely focussed and interested. She was open and was easy to look at—she smiled willingly and it became calmer and relaxed between us. When I made it clear that I was fascinated by something about her description, something in particular that chimed with my own feelings, she engaged willingly and I felt close to her straight away. What she was saying was exactly what I believe Exchanging the Word is—it was amazing, and the more she talked the more it became obvious that we were talking about the same thing—‘something’ which open up possibilities between people, ‘something’ which creates a link and, most importantly, benefits both the giver and receiver.
Outcome: We held hands and stared into each other’s eyes—I was lifted, felt clear and close and felt the passing of clarity between us—she knew what I felt, I knew what she felt. Her hands were gentle, her fingers pressed against mine—it was a moment of great intimacy. And a young woman came into the room and I felt immediately drawn to her, and when I smiled at her she smiled back openly.
Success: Yes, a great and strange success—great because it had high impact, strange because most of the engagement focussed on a function, not Arienne herself. However, when she was suddenly ‘brought into’ the picture the intimate engagement followed immediately.
Date: 18 January 2008
Name: Eileen.
Environment: Eileen was working, busily placing books on sheves in a large second-hand bookshop.
Story: I asked her what books she most liked placing on the shelves—she told me science fiction and fantasy, but she said her friends told her she should read things more ‘educational’. She was friendly and open but I became focussed on her situation and the matter of ‘educational’ or otherwise.
Outcome: The outcome was good, and good fun. I found a copy of Einstein’s own account of Relativity, and told her she could impress her friends with her knowledge of the contents which were easily accessible. I was flattered by her pleasure, and felt a sense of egocentric pleasure from my ‘good deed’. But it was a failure. I allowed this ‘mission’ to overshadow any other possibility; I wasted my focus on the wrong things. It was, I’m sure a minor memorable event for her but there was no shared clarity between us.
Success: No.
Date: 18 January 2008
Name: Monica
Environment: Monica was on a self-motivated mission, driving around all 49 US states in a heavily decorated car to promote, publicise and defend the right of the individual to smoke.
Story: No matter how I tried to involve the person of Monica, no matter how I tried to find a way of engaging the chain-smoking Monica, I could not. She continued to sell her story and her commitment to it. Sidetracked by the verbal attacks of an anti-communist/conspiracist, Monica se me aside.
Outcome: I felt relieved to be set aside. Monica’s conviction entirely blinkered her view of the world. I was, I think, only an object against which she could paste her views—she was only a vehicle for their promotion. She had a name but I failed to locate anything of the person who claimed this name.
Success: No.
Date: 19 January 2008
Name: Barry
Environment: Barry was looking after a stall at a gun fair, his table had a mixture of hand guns, several assault weapons and some sub-machine guns.
Story: I asked him about his wares, who used them, what for, could I handle them and so on. He was very friendly, and open to my inquisitiveness. We talked about owning guns, why that might be important and such things. He could tell I knew nothing of his product, and that allowed him to spend time informing me. In many ways it seemed like a simple conversation, and we shook hands, and I moved on. A few minutes later, across another trestle loaded with guns and ammunition, he suddenly emerged holding out a couple of CDs. They were, he said, just simple Christians singing simple words of their own in praise of the Lord. ‘You are a Christian then,’ I said. ‘I am,’ he said, ‘Of course.’ And we held the CDs between us for a few seconds and I understood the dichotomy of the situation—guns, Christianity, the informed, the uninformed, sets of opinions, differing views. And all these conflicts fell away and we were still holding the CDs between us as they evaporated into nothingness.
Outcome: A single moment of distinct clarity which at one enabled sight of an array of incongruities and at the same time their disappearance. It was a strange moment. It seemed to mean a lot, but I was unsure what, and it was quick—quick to come and quickly left—and there was no time to become more involved. But I saw something of conflict—conflicting views, and assumptions, and ideas based upon them—that showed me how minor they were, how they were simply a sort of embroidery around the edges of something far more fundamental and important.
Success: Yes. And it showed me that sometimes an exchange is a flash—built upon submission to the ideas of the other and in them their recognition that view held do not constitute reality and beyond views is something else.
Date: 19 January 2008
Name: Jay
Environment: Jay, together with his friend, arrived at a trestle in a gun fair.
Story: I was much taken with a racoon coat—it had been a lifetime wish to own one since I first saw Bob Hope regaled in one as a child—and was parading in it, feeling resplendent, fetching—at one with this astonishing garment. But it was a little tight across the chest, and a little shorter than I would have liked. I suggested Jay buy it. He was reluctant, but with enthusiastic encouragement, he put it on. It was a perfect fit, and it suited the character and complexion of his face perfectly—it was as if coat and man had been destined to meet. My enthusiasm won overpowering—I felt tears in my eyes—he simply looked wonderful. This object—this thing I had always desire, an object which I had never before even seen to touch—hung so perfectly on another. And I wanted him to have it—more than anything at that moment. I wanted him to have it. He agreed! He would take it. I was overjoyed we had not talked about anything else—and I was overjoyed for him.. he bargained a price. I said I did not want him to, I would pay any difference above what he could afford and the price asked. It meant everything to me that he should have it. And his friend felt the same—I could feel it.
Outcome: I walked with Jay out of the gun fair—it was like being in the company of a celebrity—all eyes were drawn to him. It was wonderful, an extraordinary closeness between us, and all the time this astonishing racoon coat, its heavy collar pulled up around his ears, its hem almost touching the ground. And a good-looking woman from the gun fair threw him a compliment, and she was excited by the coat and she flirted with him, and I could tell his life was, for that moment, transcending the normal, and I was with him. And I was reluctant to leave him, and when finally, I did, I know, in our handshake that we parted forever and with him went some of my dream and wishes. And I wanted him to have them, and he knew he had them, and he knew I had captured something of the vitality of life for him. And as I walked away, and looked back at him still stroking the coat and smiling, I realised that object too were part of the delectability of the Word, part of thinking the world in which I find myself, indeed that those thoughts of the world, and all its objects, were indeed the Word, and that Exchanging the Word was a true route to something of reality.
Success: Yes. Overwhelming. This exchange showed me how giving, involving the other with enthusiasm, and objects, can open up the void of irreality, can allow us to gaze through the rent and see something of what it is that constitutes reality—something unknown, something beyond our conventional experience, and yet something so close that we can touch it with little effort—touch it and be inflamed by its brightness and heat.
